My wife is a great believer in that which cannot always be seen or explained. I am not.

I don’t sweat black cats, broken mirrors or spilled salt. To me the term meta-physical is a waste of a good hyphen.

So when the folks downtown asked me to provide some predictions for Sandy Springs for the coming year, I said no. That sort of writing is beneath my dignity.

When they predicted someone else would be writing this blog next week if I didnt straighten up and fly right, I hot-footed it to the library and checked out Foreseeing the Future for Dummies and So You Want to Be a Tarot Card Reader and set to work.

Here’s what the spirits told me:

  • To further solidify its status as a city, Sandy Springs lures the Saints from New Orleans, renaming the team the Sandy Springs Town Turtles.

The deserted Harris Teeter at Johnson Ferry and Roswell Road is turned into an indoor stadium. Former Falcons great and erstwhile Fulton County Commission chair Mike Kenn is hired as coach. Former Falcons quarterback Bret Favre is lured from Green Bay.

Turtles get through the season with a surprising 14-2 record and upset the Oakland Raiders in the 2007 Super Bowl.

  • The mayor and city council responding to a vocal group demanding action on massage parlors, prostitution, adult bookstores and strip clubs on Roswell Road announce they will form a task force consisting of volunteers to investigate how widespread the problem really is.

Pandemonium ensues as a score of men storm city hall, volunteering to be part of the task force, ready to start work immediately. Task force is shelved when their wives show up.

  • To offset loss of tax revenue from the establishment of Sandy Springs, the Fulton County Commission seeks new sources of revenue.

First effort includes selling T-shirts with the phrase: We screwed around for 30 years, lost Sandy Springs, and all we got was this lousy T-shirt.

  • After repeated phone calls, e-mails and letters of complaints about the state of Roswell Road traffic, on Jan. 1 city leaders hire a traffic-planning consulting firm. The firm pledges to go into a room and not leave until they create a can’t-fail solution.

Jan. 1, 2007, they are still in the room.

  • Hispanic day laborers on Copeland Road organize and go on strike.

Service industry grinds to a halt.

  • Following the lead of Sandy Springs, every municipality in Fulton County incorporates.

One year later Fulton County consists of a quarter-acre of land, which turns out to be the designated parking spaces for the Fulton County Commissioners.

Hilarity ensues when the commissioners sue each over back taxes.

 
 
 
 

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